A Four-Year Emotional Turmoil Noureddine Boutahar

Completing university and graduating from Teacher Training School marked the close of one chapter and the start of another. It was the end of an era of studies and the beginning of a professional career. With my teaching degree in hand, I knew exactly what I wanted: to earn enough to live, to travel, and enjoy life. I looked forward to the relief from exam stress, the thrill of living alone, and the satisfaction of earning my own paycheck. However, it was disappointing to hit the rough patch just when I was looking forward to enjoying both my professional and personal life.
I counted the days until my appointment after graduation, confident that, as one of the top graduates, I would be posted to the city I requested: Khemisset. However, mid-September  1986, brought bitter disappointment and boiling anger. Instead of Khemisset, I was assigned to Rommani, a small agricultural town 40 miles from Rabat, technically part of Khemisset province. The prospect of working in such a remote place, after having grown accustomed to the bustle of Rabat, was both dispiriting and disheartening. 
An hour's drive from Rabat in my brother’s car brought me to a town isolated by uneven terrain, dotted with sparse, dusty neighborhoods. The houses had long lost their original color to dust and neglect. A few poor coffee shops and a handful of small shops stocked only with life's bare essentials completed the bleak picture. I found myself cursing fate and fortune, for it was neither choice nor will, but chance that had led me to this forsaken corner of the country. 
The school I was to teach at stood alone, surrounded by rugged hills and set on a dry riverbed that would flood during the rainy season. Aside from the red tiles on its roof and the sprawling park in front, the building had no distinguishing features. It was plain, nondescript, and wholly unremarkable. The large park of the school felt almost ceremonial, serving no real purpose—none of the teachers at the time owned a car. I once joked with a French teacher and friend, saying perhaps the intention was for us to park our shoes there instead.
Finding a place to live proved to be the first challenge. Housing options were limited—most homes consisted of little more than a few rooms with a toilet and a couple of water taps. No real kitchens, no bathtubs, and few electrical outlets. Rent was so high that sharing a house was the only viable option, but at the beginning of the school year, I hadn’t yet found anyone to share with. So, I rented a house on the outskirts of town and lived alone for the first two months. Eventually, I found two fellow teachers willing to split the cost of a house in the town center. Together, we shared rent, food expenses, and the inevitable frustrations of life in Rommani. 
One of those frustrations was water. We had access to running water for only two hours every other day. During those brief windows, we filled plastic bottles and buckets and would discard out most of the old water when the new supply came—a poor habit, but we had no choice. Sometimes we left the taps open overnight, hoping to wake up with filled buckets, but too often we found water pooling under our beds. Looking back, I deeply regret that careless, wasteful, and unsustainable behavior we were compelled to adopt after being dealt a bad hand. 
Another challenge was the lack of essential goods. Basic items like bananas had to be pre-ordered and paid for in advance with the grocer. We teachers even pleaded with a shopkeeper who also sold papers to set some aside for us, sometimes paying double the price. Trips to larger cities to stock up on supplies were frequent, but with no refrigerator—and barely enough salary to afford one—much of what we bought ended up wasted.
Transportation was another obstacle. Despite Rommani being only 40 miles from Rabat and 50 miles from Khemisset, getting there could be a nightmare. We often had to wait hours to catch a ride to Rabat or anywhere else, especially in the afternoons. At times, we offered taxi drivers a premium fare to reach our destination. On other occasions, we sought out gypsy cabs—unlicensed operators who, like sardines in a can, crammed more passengers into their vehicles than they were meant to hold. 
Also, Rommani lacked any form of entertainment or amenities, so I traveled to Rabat twice a week—on weekends and Wednesday afternoons—returning Thursday mornings. The routine was exhausting, time-consuming, and financially burdensome, and after nearly two months, I had to cut it down to just once a week, limiting my trips to the weekends.  I endured the monotony of small-town life, grappling with the profound emptiness and boredom of having nothing to do and nowhere to go. 
At school, I was assigned to teach four 12th-grade classes. The students were my peers, and some were even my age. Teaching without textbooks, I relied on a vague syllabus and some notes. This required an immense amount of effort to find suitable teaching materials—exercises, texts, games, tests—especially in a pre-internet, pre-cell phone era when English resources were scarce. I often visited the American bookstore and British Council in Rabat, scouring for material, which I would photocopy or even copy by hand at times, as it was difficult to take some books outside the library for photocopying. 
I taught English solely in English, without any Arabic translation. This approach was unfamiliar to my students who complained at first, but over time, they accepted and even appreciated it. As a novice teacher, I exhausted myself, talking too much, over-explaining, and striving for an unattainable perfection. The stress led to burnout, depression, and near obsessive-compulsive behavior. I eventually visited a doctor, who gave me a week off—the first of only two medical leaves I took during my 38 years in teaching. 
To make matters worse, the hardships I endured in Rommani—the constant stress, the unhealthy diet I was forced into, the water my stomach couldn’t tolerate—culminated in a painful stomach ulcer. It took nearly a year to recover, through strict dieting, rigorous treatment, and the soothing remedies of my grandmother’s herbal cures. 
I spent four monotonous years in Rommani, and things steadily worsened. My passion for reading waned, my enthusiasm for teaching faded, and I felt increasingly trapped. Unable to balance my personal desires with my professional obligations, I confided in my father and brother that if I couldn’t transfer to a larger city, I would resign. My father, ever supportive, spoke to a family friend who had considerable influence in Khemisset, and soon enough, I was transferred to Abdellah Guennoun school in Khemisset, where I would spend the remaining 34 years of my career. 
It has been 34 years since I left the Zaari town, and most of the memories I carry from that time are far from pleasant, save for the friendships I forged with fellow teachers, students, and a few locals. My experience has given me deep sympathy for teachers assigned to even more remote and isolated corners of the country, facing challenges far greater than my own, which makes my problems pale in comparison to theirs. Perhaps those hard four years were the rough sea that made me a skilled sailor. As Steve Jobs said, 'Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith.'

A New Kid in Rabat Noureddine Boutahar

I moved to Rabat in September 1979, hoping to resolve the residency issues that had plagued me in Meknes. However, I quickly realized I had only exchanged one set of problems for another -- Out of the frying pan into the fire. My early days in Rabat were fraught with emotional, social, and financial hardships that persisted, albeit diminished, over time.

My early days in Rabat were marked by a profound sense of isolation, stress, and anxiety. The entire life I had painstakingly built in the Ismaili City— the memories I had cherished, the friendships I had nurtured, and the adjustments I had made transitioning from rural to urban living— soon fell apart. Suddenly, I was starting over from scratch. Without friends, unfamiliar with Rabat's layout, and unaccustomed to the fast-paced rhythm of a metropolis, I felt lost and adrift. The city's towering buildings and bustling streets were intimidating, and the cold, hurried glances of strangers chipped away at my confidence, deepening my sense of isolation. It took me a long time to find my footing.

My new school, Yacoub Elmansour, one of the most illustrious establishments in the very heart of the city, attracted children from middle-class Rbati families who were strangers to rural life, let alone to country kids like myself. I often found myself a solitary island at the back of the classroom, feeling isolated and avoided like The Ugly Duckling. For weeks, some kids observed me with the wary eyes of explorers encountering an uncharted land. Others seemed like timid deer, unsure of how to approach that new kid in town. I was not sure how to approach them like a hesitant traveler at a crossroads, unsure of whether to befriend or avoid them.

However, my diligence and active participation in classes, particularly in English and French, eventually became a beacon, drawing the attention of some classmates. A few, notably Ahmed and Khalil, began to approach me. As the baccalaureate exam loomed closer on the horizon, they invited me into their study circle. We occasionally met at Jardin d’Essai Park, and I assisted them with English and French, especially in summarizing French texts—a daunting challenge that many students dreaded and often failed, yet one at which I consistently excelled. In return, they supported me in Arabic grammar, which was my biggest pet peeve.

Initially, I made pilgrimages to Meknes almost every other weekend to visit friends and family. However, this routine strained my finances and wasted precious time needed to prepare for the demanding baccalaureate exams. Eventually, I stopped these journeys and tried to cope with my solitude. This isolation, however, became fertile ground for my reading habits. I started borrowing books from the library and the few acquaintances I had, spending my free time in parks, by the seaside, and in green spaces, devouring pages with a hunger for every word.

I had a friend from Meknes who had moved to Salé, and on weekends, I would walk from Rabat to Salé, across the Bouregreg River, to visit him. However, Thami lacked the aptitude for academics and had little inclination for studies and reading. Consequently, I began to withdraw, limiting our interactions to the bare minimum. When he failed to obtain his baccalaureate, he decided to emigrate to France, which deepened my loneliness like a shadow at dusk.

To escape the hardships of life in Rabat, I joined the Académie Royale Militaire (ARM) of Meknes after earning my baccalaureate and passing the entrance exam. However, I soon realized that military life was not for me and quit after almost a month, returning to Rabat and enrolled in the English department at Mohamed V University.

After leaving the ARM, I found myself in a tough spot: the university enrollment deadline had already passed. Desperate to find a way in, I went from office to office, knocking on doors, trying to find someone who could help me. For more than a month, I was consumed by anxiety, sadness, and disappointment, fearing I would lose an entire year and struggle even more without a scholarship, especially given the daily expenses of student life in the costly city of Rabat. I filed a complaint with the student unions and even sought assistance from a government minister. My persistence paid off when one day, Mr. Bakkari, a student union official and later a parliamentarian, asked me to hand over my enrollment documents. I breathed a sigh of relief.

University life was a vibrant mosaic, a stark contrast to high school, with its diversity making it fantastic. Students came from various villages and towns around Rabat, and I felt that we were all sailors navigating the same uncharted waters, sharing the anxiety of starting a new chapter in life.

I quickly forged strong bonds with new friends, with whom I co-prepared for exams and quizzes. Most of our work was collaborative, carried out beyond the confines of lectures and seminars. We learned to strike a balance between our studies and other activities, like sports and trips to the beach. However, despite my modest scholarship and occasional financial help from my brother, I struggled to cover the expenses of a young student in a bustling metropolis. The city demanded more than I could afford, with costs for books, clothing, travel, excursions, and the occasional lunch with friends. Among my Rbati friends, most of whom came from well-off families, I was the least financially secure.

University's faculty of the English department was a melting pot of nationalities, with teachers from Morocco, Britain, America, Iraq, and more. Each had their unique teaching style, but they all fostered positive relationships with students, respected diverse talents and learning methods, encouraged active learning, and emphasized the importance of time management. I particularly admired and learned a lot from Mr. Ezzroura, Mr. Jamari, Mrs Boutaleb, Mr Sanders, Mr Iraqi, Mr Gravel and others.

University taught me more than just academic lessons. I gained valuable life skills, practical experience, and interpersonal relationships that contributed to my personal development. I also became more aware of the political atmosphere in the country, with students affiliating with various political ideologies, from leftists to right-wing Istiqlal party members, and emerging Islamists.

Frequent strikes over issues such as delayed scholarships, poor campus food, and political decisions led to the creation of the university police, mockingly dubbed AWACS by students. This sardonic nickname referenced the American surveillance aircraft renowned for its all-seeing, all-weather capabilities. These planes were the talk of the town in early October 1980 when Washington dispatched four AWACS to Saudi Arabia in response to Iraq's invasion of Iran, followed by the Reagan administration's controversial proposal in April 1981 to sell five AWACS to the Saudis—a deal that narrowly escaped Congressional rejection the following October.

Among the events that rekindled university strikes were two significant hunger strikes in the 1980s. The first, known as the Casablanca Bread Riots or 'The Bread Martyrs'—a term coined by Driss Basri, one of the most powerful Ministers of the Interior—erupted on May 29, 1981, in Casablanca. This uprising was fueled by sharp increases in food prices. The economic strain from the ongoing Moroccan Sahara War and the severe drought of 1981 led to soaring costs, prompting a widespread general strike. Thousands from the shantytowns surrounding Casablanca took to the streets, targeting symbols of wealth in their outrage. The government's response was brutal, with official reports citing 66 deaths, while opposition figures claimed the toll was as high as 637. The second uprising occurred in 1984, echoing the unrest of the earlier revolt and further highlighting the ongoing discontent and hardship faced by the populace.

It is worth mentioning that the early 1980s ushered in a transformative period for Morocco, marking a division into two distinct eras. Before 1981, Morocco thrived with prosperity, abundant goodness, and lavish rainfall. After 1981, however, the country faced a stark contrast: soaring prices, widespread unemployment, burdensome inflation, and numerous other challenges, all exacerbated by the severe drought of that year and the Sahara conflict. The vibrancy of Morocco in the 1970s filled me with hope and inspired me to stay, complete my education, and pursue a teaching career in Morocco. Despite the allure of relocating to France or the United States, which attracted many of my peers, I chose to remain in Morocco, drawn by its dynamic spirit and opportunities.

During my university years, reading every day became my go-to activity, providing solace and an escape from the challenges of daily life. I read voraciously, both for university and personal interest. For pleasure, I devoured magazines from the UAE, Egypt, and especially Iraq, where publications were abundant and very affordable. Occasionally, I splurged on expensive English papers and magazines like The International Herald Tribune and The Sun. My French reading included both Moroccan and French publications. The radio also played a crucial role in honing my linguistic skills, with the BBC English being my favorite channel, followed by France Inter and the French-speaking Moroccan RTM. These experiences ignited my passion for writing, leading me to contribute to various newspapers and magazines in Arabic and French.

Despite the strikes and disruptions in university life, and despite my financial constraints, my unwavering dedication to reading and hard work paid off. By studying diligently with friends in libraries, parks, and coffee shops, I excelled academically, never failing a test, and graduated with distinction. I maintained this level of excellence at the teacher training school, where I also graduated with distinction. This achievement led to the honor of being received by the late King Hassan II among the laureates of 1986.

I believe that people mature through a combination of small traumas, hard work, and the diverse experiences they encounter. Childhood traumas, in particular, can accelerate this process, compelling individuals to develop a maturity beyond their years. This journey often involves self-reliance, trial and error, suffering, and finding one's own solutions. This resonates deeply with my own life. On my path to achieving success, I relied heavily on myself. My hard work and the lessons learned from my sufferings have significantly increased my wisdom, compassion, and resilience. I have always depended on and trusted myself. My parents were often unaware of my academic progress, only inquiring at the end of each school year whether I had passed and how close I was to finding a job.